And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
