O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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