Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
