Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
