just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
