seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
