the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
