Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
