Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Your cock deserves a montage
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
