If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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