This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
