The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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