it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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