She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
