Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
