Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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