Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
