i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
