1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
