If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
