Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
