I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
