Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
