Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
