she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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