Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
