I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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