I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
