her vagine was all disorganized.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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