Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
