I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
