The maid of honor just puked.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
