pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Less talking, more tequila
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
