thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
