Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
