Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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