You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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