guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
