My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
