I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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