Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
