I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
