I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
