ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
