Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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