so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
