i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
