i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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