It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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