oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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