I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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