Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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