i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
