Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
