I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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