Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
