you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
