i just google imaged poop.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
