I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
