I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I love having hate sex.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
