Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
