I am in a vortex of obligation.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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