I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
