so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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