I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
