I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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