I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
